Kaput

I’ve had two different people use the word “kaput” in emails they’ve written to me this in regards to some of my creative endeavors. That kind of stings a bit and it is a huge departure from where I want to be in life. I want to spend more time on the music and the art I enjoy creating. I really do WANT to.

So why don’t I?

I don’t make the time.

Why is that?

I could make the time if I wanted to so maybe those things aren’t as important as they used to be?

Work takes a lot out of me; I sit at a desk for way too long everyday working on servers, computers, firewalls, email, printers, whatever…. and I hate computers so naturally when I get home I have no desire to turn on my home computer and create a flier for an upcoming gig, write a blog, creatively edit photos, or doodle a comic. My heart just isn’t in that stuff at the moment. In fact, it had been so long since I used Photoshop, last month when I created a band flier I forgot pretty much all of the keyboard shortcuts I used to be able to crank out in my sleep. And Adobe Illustrator? Forget it. That program somehow got sliced right outta my memory – and I used to use it daily!!! Frack!

Then of course in more recent months we have had the grief of Regular Dad being hospitalized and his body eventually failing in multiple ways leading to his passing. That had a really had a major impact on our household. The sadness, the sorrow, the depression, the questions, the paperwork, the unsolicited mail and phone calls from vultures wanting a piece of the pie. Compound that with a distance of 360 miles one-way to Regular Dad’s house and the workload is that much more time-consuming.

I have other interests. Shocking isn’t it? I like to spend time outdoors. I love to sit in the garage or work in the yard; I enjoy doing little chores around the house. Love it. I love working on my truck. Or tinkering with my trailer. I love shopping. I love reading about vehicles. I love reading about science and technology. I research topics ranging from Pee Wee Reese to Peterbilts because I find everything interesting. I text with friends and family. I mow my own lawn. I wash my own vehicles (when there’s not a drought). I perform my own oil changes. I help people move. I help Adrienne with whatever she needs help with. I listen to people when they talk.

And then every once in a while I play a gig or two.

If I am really motivated, I might doodle a comic.

But with a 50+ hour workweek, a laundry list of hobbies and interests, and a wife that misses her dad more than I can put into words, it’s tough to delegate enough time to music and the comics. And frankly, if those things are forced, they are crap. I just don’t put art, music and photography high on my list of things to do with my free time these days.

I go through phases and I know that this will turn around – it always does.

So for now, things aren’t kaput. They are simply hibernating.

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One thought on “Kaput

  1. Hibernating is good and natural, especially when you have such a wonderful pet as Calllie to cuddle with. Your creative juices will flow again, just take the time to relax right now. Love, MomBug XO

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